The News
MEET THE NEWS

Alphonse Spall

Once upon a time, a few years after D-day, Alphonse Spall (a.k.a James Castrato, in real life Jimmy the Cat) was found drunk as a skunk and struggling for the notes of a tuneless and unrecognisable version of Fernando in a local karaoke competition (first prize was £20).  Into the racket stumbled the three shady band members Mark, Paul and Eric dropping in for a nightcap before returning home to the open arms of their blow-up boom-boom Betties.  Through the din Mark said, "hey lads, you know we're looking for a singer?...  any bloody singer!?".  "Well we dinna have much luck from the audition with that Stephen Hawking" Eric said. "Or that guy with the tracheotomy" shouted Paul.  And as they looked across at an intoxicated hiccuping Alphonse a light bulb flickered dimly above their heads.  A few rounds of Jack and a couple of lies later and Alphonse was hired.

Some months. much practice, and four noise related ASBO's later - things went from bad to worse.

As a direct result of taking weekends off from his job as a kitchen porter (only in the best Shrewsbury hotel though!), Alphonse was fired. Broke and tired needing to feed his eleven children and his goldfish George, and convinced he was indeed a star (and that the mirror and speakers were lying), Alphonse demanded payment for his vocal "talents". He wanted at least £10 for each performance.  Mark, Paul and Eric looked at each other and laughed hysterically, "for f#%k's sake, at least learn to sing first!"  Uproar ensued.

Hurt and dejected with his tail between his legs, Alphonse returned to his native Montenegro in order to spend contemplative time with his mentor and life long cellmate, Leonardo Cohen (Mr Miagi was unavailable I believe - ed). Leonardo, a Jewish manic depressive of some note makes a very nice living giving yoga lessons to fellow mani(a)cs (his former panty liner business failed to take off).  Enthused with a new found self confidence and vision (and a cheeky little beard) presumably gained from now being able to touch his ears with his feet, Alphonse returned to Shrewsbury intent on world domination (or failing that a new kitchen porter job).  he strolled up to his former band mates and said "Hey, I'm your man for the future, I know aboot songs of love and hate".

A compromise was reached - £7 a night - everybody's happy.

Mark

Mark, or "Cousin It", as he was sometimes called by a former band mate due to his ability to sprout and retain head hair, is the band's skilled purveyor of riffs, leads, killer rhythms, fret tapping, feedback and wah-wahing, all enhanced by an array of effects pedals.  Along with a regular posse of drooling guitar pupils you'll wonder how a single lead guitar can fill out a song so much!
 
Mark is no stranger to performing live having played in bands since the age of 15. As a teenager he played in Citadel in accompanied by "Baz" on bass guitar.

Later on, local band-watchers will recall Stormchild and Sanction, with drummer Micky Owens  (Metal Micky), in which Mark supported the Tom Robinson Band, Hawkwind and New Model Army.  Subsequent bands included Loaded Dice and from 1986 to 1992 Misdemena that eventually evolved into the early Stagefright that played in the Shrewsbury area for many years before breaking up in 2004.

Mark and Paul set about forming a new band and after a few months were rehearsing with Alphonse and Eric - and The News was formed.  Apart from playing a mean guitar with The News Mark is also a full time professional guitar teacher.

Paul

Paul "I didn't get anywhere but I had a great time getting there" Palladini was a professional drummer at 18 but is too modest to mention the many bands he's played with over the years throughout Europe.  Though the fact that he once found himself waking up in a garlic field somewhere in France suggests that poor recollection may account for his inability to name Names.

However, Paul would like to thank very much the excellent bands that he's had the privilege of playing with over the years - whoever they were.

He revels in long drum finales following which the older members of the audience might have forgotten which number they were listening to.

Paul is a connoisseur of classic wines and fine drums as you'll see when you behold his beautiful DW kit!

Eric

Eric has been in and out of more bands than Alphonse has had hot tortillas.

Starting off as a vocalist he joined The Breed in the late seventies; first gig was at Tern Hill army camp that went down like a desert storm.

His first meeting with Mark "yes, I do use all those pedals" Williams, was when he became a member of Sanction after accidentally sacking their bass playing vocalist by phone.

After his stint there he was in and out of Shropshire bands Justice, Krack on Daft, Bucket for the Drummer - and pubs like The Yorkshire House, Loggers, Nags head etc.

The singing career ended after just two gigs with R&B band Sandy Beach and the Deck Chairs involving a room of mirrors and a fuzz box.

In jazz blues trad' combo Moscow Underground in 1995 he played bass for the first time. After various Indie Rock bands, ending with Addictive Nature, he retired from playing in 2003; only to become a member of The News last year.

This was after he was stalked by "Stiff" Palladini because he needed somebody in the band who was almost as loud as he was!